My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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