So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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