Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
