well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
