We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
