do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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