You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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