Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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