i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
