yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
