Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
