dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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