come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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