True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
