if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
