I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
