So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone shit on the floor
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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