Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
