boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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