Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
