He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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