she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
