can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
