Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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