So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
