I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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