there was a trapeze. enough said
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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