Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
