Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
