What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
