he thought i was a dude.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize