a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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