dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
