1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
