Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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