I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
