I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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