Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
