you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best revenge is premature balding
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
