not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
