Three words: puerto rican gang bang
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
