I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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