Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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