I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
