im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
