you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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