you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
