Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
