3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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