and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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