thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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