it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
