so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
