you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
