that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
