Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
