xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
