He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
