i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
