what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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