well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize