considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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