I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
