Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
