apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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