So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
