Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
