i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
