I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
