Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
