you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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