Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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