I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
