Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
