i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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