apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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