just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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